I am sometimes horrified by reality TV (ok – mostly horrified). I was recently flipping the channels and came across a special called Momster of the Bride on Style. Think Bridezilla but mom instead. I know the mother meant well – I believe she truly thought her way was going to make her daughter happiest on her wedding day. But how this mother and daughter were even on speaking terms by the time it came to the wedding day…well I suppose it is a testament to how much they love each other. So, what follows are a few tips I gleaned from this show. And I hope it isn’t going to be a series.
This is your daughter’s wedding. Or your son’s. This is not your chance to have the lavish wedding you always wanted but couldn’t afford. And it isn’t the time to invite anyone you ever knew. Even if you are the one paying for it. Don’t impose your desires and ideas on your son or daughter.
Don’t force her into a dress that you love, but she doesn’t. Maybe the bride doesn’t see herself as a princess on her wedding day – maybe she longs for something more sophisticated. This doesn’t mean she thinks you have bad taste – it just means you’ve brought up a young woman who has her own sense of style.
Weddings today are beautiful because they are a reflection of the couple – not stuck in tradition. Embrace the things that make your child unique and let them rejoice in those differences on their wedding day.
Please don’t force participation. Don’t make her accept an escort down the aisle that she is uncomfortable with…or force him to have his cousin as a groomsman.
Set aside differences. Many couples I see today come from blended families – which frequently mean mom and dad are not together anymore. Put away the bitterness, if only for the day. Let it be about the love being shared, not the love that was lost.
Don’t impose your beliefs. Know that you have raised an intelligent, kind, thoughtful child even if you don’t see eye to eye in matters of theology.
Offer your opinion only when asked. I would never suggest you become a “yes man”, but be mindful that your way is not the only way.
You cannot tell people what to wear or how to act. It is insulting to even try and will make people resent you.
Besides mom, you can always renew your vows and have the wedding you wanted for yourself. 😉